Coping During the Holidays
The holidays can be a wonderful point of connection and they can also bring on some undo stress. I wanted to provide some tips for coping during the holidays based on the types of pain points you could be experiencing. This is by no means a comprehensive list, but hopefully can be a starting point.
Navigating Pressure
When we feel stressed about the presents we want to give, the traditions we want to complete, the decorations we want to set, the meals we want to make - we can get so lost in that that we lose the why. I want to invite you to slow down and think about why you feel like you need to do these things. Will your day still go ok if everything isn’t exactly how you had imagined or hoped? Will people have a better time if the pressure is off a little? What can you let go of? Maybe you don’t need to make the complicated meal, maybe you can ask for help with certain aspects, maybe you can tell people that presents are coming later or that you only did something small for now, but it’s not a reflection of how you care for them. Communication is key.
Navigating Family Conflict
First things first, if there are certain people that cause harm when you see them, identify why you need to see them. Can you reschedule for a time to visit with loved ones where they will not be included? If not, will there be other people that will make it worth it? Can you sit further from them or otherwise mitigate communication? Maybe it’s not that you need to avoid a certain person, but you know that there is potential for conversation to become heated in a non-productive way. Some phrases to try out are “We haven’t seen eye-to-eye on these issues in the past and so I think it’s best for us to not have this conversation today,” or “I’m not willing to discuss that right now, but how is [xyz neutral topic]?” Check in with yourself and take breaks, as needed. You can always excuse yourself to the restroom or go for a walk. Reach out to people you know are supportive of you - whether to vent or just hear the voice of a safe person.
Navigating Holidays After Grief/Loss
Holidays are especially challenging after you’ve experienced a recent loss. Know that it’s ok to not be in the “holiday spirit.” If social media feels challenging, try to avoid it or look in places that feel comforting. If your loss was of a loved one, what are some traditions that you used to do with them? What would it be like to do the same tradition with them in mind? Or would it feel better to completely avoid that activity this year?
Navigating Loneliness
During the holiday season, loneliness can feel especially present. When was the last time you felt connected with someone? Are you able to reach out to people that make you feel safe and supported? If not, can you do something to comfort yourself - either completely going into a tradition by yourself or avoiding traditions? Is there a place in your community that you can volunteer at on the holiday?
Whatever you’re navigating this holiday season, I promise you that you are not alone in that feeling. When there are high expectations to feel connected to our loved ones, it can make us feel a lot more of the opposite. At the end of the day, each holiday is just another day and you can always try again, tomorrow.
As always, take what is helpful and leave the rest. I hope you have the week you need.
