Boundaries Series: Part 3
The last place I wanted to touch on regarding boundaries is: boundaries with ourselves. Boundaries with ourselves means respecting our limits and caring for ourselves. Just like how we can learn what boundaries we need in our relationships, we can also use our feelings, behaviors, and thoughts to help us identify where we need boundaries with ourselves.
Some common ways we ignore our boundaries include:
Saying yes to events/requests/commitments we do not have the time and/or energy for
Not resting when we’re sick, exhausted, etc
Spending outside of our means
Indulging (in food, substances, sex, socializing, video games, social media, news, etc) past the point where we feel good
Not caring for our basic needs
Putting other peoples needs/wants before our needs
Not living in accordance with our values/beliefs
Staying in unhealthy relationships
Do any of these look familiar? What are other ways in which you ignore your boundaries?
Noticing places where we need to enforce boundaries with ourselves doesn’t mean we need to beat ourselves up, but rather can give us space to start noticing opportunities to enforce boundaries with yourself. That may look like, not watching that next episode, so you get enough sleep, not going to happy hour with co-workers because you’re tired, spending time prepping food or doing laundry instead of scrolling on tiktok, etc. Our culture reinforces the need to hustle and have it all, which can make it hard to find the room to care for ourselves. We also may have been socialized to put others before ourselves or have needed to do that to survive, so it can be challenging to change how we approach ourselves. Just taking it one step at a time, noticing where you are overextending yourself is a big deal on its own.
I want to clarify that there is a difference between ignoring your boundaries and doing the best that you can with your health/financial/family responsibilities. If you’re a single parent working and going to school, caring for yourself may be hard, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re ignoring your boundaries. If you’re a single parent working and going to school and you find yourself saying yes to helping your friend move, volunteering to lead a committee, and turning down offers for help, then it may be time to reevaluate your boundaries with yourself.
This can be really hard to sort through on your own, which may mean that you need to check in with your support system or a professional to help you identify where you can start enforcing boundaries with yourself. I would also recommend the books Rest Is Resistance by Tricia Hersey and Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab to learn more about the importance of rest and boundaries.
As always, take what is helpful and leave the rest. I hope you have the week you need.
